Here I go

I cannot sleep. I can definitely not sleep. How could I ? My heart is throbbing so hard, so quickly, and I keep thinking, thinking, thinking… My hands are trembling on the keyboard, I just want to laugh and cry at the same time. Now my legs are trembling too, I am precisely at a key moment of my existence. I am writing these words because I do not want to forget them, because I want you to read them, I want you to know how the world can be huge and so tiny at the same time, how time can stretch and shrink so easily… Here it is, I am crying, actually crying. London is that place in which everything is gathered : all the world, all the best of the world – its cultural wealth, its openness ; all the kindness, the smartness, the knowledge of the people of the world is right here. I am trying to make a list of all the nationalities of the people I have met here, with whom I had a really good time, has it been short or long… People from every continents, every parts of the globe… English, of course, but also American, Chilean, Mexican, Brazilian, Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, German, Scottish, Irish, Australian, Iranian, Korean, Chinese, French, Russian, so many others…. People of many origins, of many ages, many cultural backgrounds… These are the real treasures of the Planet. Not oil, gold or diamonds : people.

All my apologies to the Erasmus French besides : I may have become distant with you after a while, maybe I would not have lived this international London as much as I did if I had not done so. Or maybe I did not live that much… At least I evolved a lot. The girl who is now going back to her microscopic universe in her microscopic part of Southern France is definitely not the same who left home, nine months earlier. Now the world is home too. Of course, I am linked to this land in which I was born and raised. Of course, the smell of the soil in Carcassonne, the sight of the vineyards of Aude, the feeling of the warm stones of la Cité are deeply anchored in my self and this is what I may always call « home ». But now I know that there is this other place on Earth which is a link to all the other places and its name is London. And London has been home for me.

I only realise it now… What I lived this year is the most decisive experience in my life. I am not an adult though, being an adult sounds like a full stop in one’s evolution. But I have grown up, this is sure. Life is in front of me, as close and uncertain as it has never been. I have failed in many points, but this is just the kick my bottom needed to go ahead. I feel richer, I am richer than all these people who are succeeding in other ways I miss. I am rich of everything I shared with you all… And I thank you all for everything.

This place is about to become remote. What is easy to reach now is about to become rare. This present time and the time spent with you is going to become memories.

I am just an incorrigible nostalgic.

And I really look forward to seeing back again as many of you as possible.

Holly Crap, I love you, people of London.

(Sorry for my English, I may have done some mistakes… Now I am going to sleep – or try – I have a sea and a country to cross today.)

Picture : A wall in Brick Lane


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